incredible

i want to walk on water
and love my enemy
and move mountains.

i want to shine like the brightness of the firmament
and like the stars forever.

i want God to feed the multitudes
with my little loaves and fishes.

i want Him to make me a fisher of men.

i want to pray without ceasing
and rejoice evermore
and always give thanks.

when i am afflicted in every way,
i don't want to be crushed--
i want to endure with dignity.
when i am perplexed,
i don't want to despair,
but to trust confidently in my God.
when i am persecuted,
i know i am not alone.
when i am beaten down,
i want to arise victorious.
i want to bear Christ's death in me
so that i can manifest His life.

o, Lord, please grant me the desire of my heart.

meditation

oh, Father, i come to You
to hear Your voice.

i sense Your presence,
and i anticipate eagerly--
knowing that You are going to open Your heart to me.

i open the letter You have written me.

please do not let me be like the roadway,
where the seed sown is snatched away by my enemy.
please protect my soul.

please do not let me be shallow,
rejoicing in Your truth,
but having no depth
for Your message to take root and thrive.
please soften my heart.

please do not let me be full of those thorns--
anxiety, greed, ambition--
that would choke out the truth
and cause me great pain.
please cleanse my mind.

let me be a safe and fertile place
for eternal truth to grow,
that it will bear the fruit of trust,
that there would be a harvest of willing obedience,
both today
and forever.

thank You.

revival

am i "Your person"?
do i belong to You?
am i called by Your name?

am i humbling myself?
do i think of myself more highly than i ought to think?
do i think i am better than others,
that i know more than others?
do i think i understand the situation better than You Yourself?
or that the way You are working is not best?
do i want my own way?
am i respectful of other people?
am i reverent toward You?

am i praying?
is my life a prayer to You?
do i lay out my thoughts with a unceasing awareness
that i am interacting with You--
You see my thoughts,
You know my motives and intentions?
am i hiding?
am i walking with You?
You are here.
You are always here.

am i seeking Your face?
am i looking for You with all my heart,
expecting to find You?

am i turning from my wicked ways?
when You show me my lack of love,
am i grieved?
do i turn away in disgust
and beg you to fill me with Your love?
when You show me my meanness,
do i abhor it
and yearn for kindness to be constantly on my lips?
do i earnestly desire a tender heart?
when you show me a deceit that i hold dear,
do i let it go
and love Your truth
though the rending away of the putrid lie causes me pain?
when you show me my disobedience,
do i acknowledge my fault
and begin acting obediently?

oh, Lord!
search me and know my heart!
try me, and know my thoughts!
see if there be any wicked way in me,
and lead me in Your everlasting way!

tryst

oh, i yearn to spend time with my Beloved,
the One who loves me
infinitely,
unconditionally!

spending time listening to His voice
is my delight,
and i love to think about the things He says
all through the day
and even in the night.
His words and wisdom return to me
in my conversations with other people.

i have a confession.
i have not always found joy
in the time that i spent
with the Lover of my soul.

i used to drag myself to spend time with Him,
rudely thinking about other subjects,
more interesting to me
(i now say to my shame)
than the words He spoke to my heart.

my heart was hard
and closed
by the distractions
of alluring ambitions and worries.

how the change happened i am not quite certain.
i saw the dearth of delight,
the preoccupation with things of no value.
i asked Him to help me change.

In His patient love,
He gave and gave and gave,
and i found the hardness of my heart soften
like the parched ground
in a long but gentle rain.
the seed of His wisdom and His graciousness
penetrated the surface,
put down roots,
and bore fruit.