Thursday, April 21, 2011

underground

back in september, through circumstances that we did not expect nor want, we lost both our income and housing. several sympathetic friends and family members offered us a place of refuge until we could discern our next move. however, our son-in-law invited us first, and his home was our first choice.

we gave away much, threw away much, stored some, and moved into the guest room.

mid-winter i was sitting in the guest room contemplating where we were and where we were going. at that point, life seemed a bit directionless. i looked up at the light coming in the window, wondering wordlessly about what God was doing at this season of our life. being dependent on our children at our stage of life is not a little humbling. we were still in transition without knowing where we were going to settle. a verse was spoken into my heart, "Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit." (John 12:24)

i almost laughed. the guest bedroom window that i was looking at has a view of. . .well, the ground. the guest room in which we are staying is in the basement. we had, in a certain sense, fallen into the ground. our hopes and dreams for seeing a great work of God in us and through us in our field had died. the ministry in which and for which we labored seemed to have ended. my husband's vision of a body of believers putting down deep roots in the Word of God, sending effectual and fervent prayers heavenward, bearing hundredfold fruit--that vision faded.

throughout the winter the verse continued to pour out blessing on my heart and mind, a promise of future fruitfulness. i still smile every time i look at the guest room window, thinking about a grain of wheat in the ground. our time here has been a time of healing and growing. we have been able to spend quite a bit of time with our daughter and grandsons. mark has been able to start his own business, substitute at the high school, and move in the direction of bi-vocational ministry.

in truth, these have been some of the most beautiful months of my life. i have been nourished in the soil of unconditional love, unconditional joy, unconditional peace. i have been watered with the winter snows and the spring rains. now i feel the warmth of the sun on the soil around me. there is the power of new life within me from the source of Life, waiting with eagerness to reach toward the light.

2 comments:

~ae said...

Thank you, Tammie.

Mrs C said...

This scripture has been on my mind of late...
what an amazing picture! Sometimes the very thing that 'appears' to spell the end, is the very thing that produces the beginning of destiny. I saw a tweet from Jentezen Franklin awhile back which said...When God is going to use u greatly he will hurt u deeply. (Paul, Jesus, Job, Joseph). The greater the crushing the greater the anointing!....this can be an unpopular viewpoint however I have witnessed it personally too where something that should have ruined a person - and might have if they had not had Christ - was the very thing that launched a newer greater phase in their life and ministry and most importantly in their walk with HIM. I pray this for you and your precious family xxx