deserving

i deserved the wrath of God and eternal hell.

i pursued the well-being
of the Kingdom of Me
and my rights.

what did i care
about my creator,
his kingdom,
his rights?

i saw this as my world,
but in reality
it is his world
and i am his guest.

i acted like a reigning queen,
superimposing my mandates
over his.
how futile and evil!

i deserved hell;
he extended kindness.

so when i face illness,
or poverty,
or humiliation,
or betrayal,
i don't try to figure out what i did to deserve this.
maybe i don't deserve it.

but i deserve hell.
this is only light affliction,
and it only lasts a little while.

furthermore, i am his,
he is mine,
and his mercy endures forever.

reflections on propitiation, Romans 1-5, Ephesians 1-2, and Job