thankful

i am thankful,
but not with that gratitude
which is unmingled with sorrow.

i am grateful for encroaching blindness
which has moved from the outer boundaries of my peripheral vision
to the center.
i am thankful with sober gratitude
that the cones and rods are falling off
the pigment layer
of my retina
just a little faster
than they are replaced.
i am thankful that every little cone
and every rod
is under the complete control
of its Creator.

this is his intentional good for me,
and i want to receive this gift
with courage and trust.

there is a time to grieve
and a time to laugh,
a time for dancing,
a time for mourning.
those times come to each of us.
but underneath,
i have a sense of the goodness
of both sorrows and joys.

i am thankful
that God has given me a supportive family,
compassionate friends,
a measure of independence,
much healing of physical weakness,
awareness of other senses to compensate
for the loss of vision.

but these are transitory gifts,
and many of them may be lost
in time or circumstances--
lost without diminishing
what is truly valuable in them.

however,
i am more thankful for what cannot be lost.
i am thankful
because the Lord is my shepherd.
he is everything that i need.
he nourishes me in green pastures,
and leads me by quiet waters.
he restores my soul.
he leads me in paths of righteousness
because of his own good name.
even when i walk through the shadowy valley of death,
i need not fear anything.
i will not be overcome by any evil,
because he is with me.
i am comforted by the protection of his power.
even in the presence of people who hate me--
people who desire to harm me--
he prepares a feast for my soul.
my cup of joy overflows.
certainly goodness and mercy
follow me
each and every day i live.
and after this,
i will live in the house of the Lord
forever.

that is why i am thankful.