i wonder

is our ability to give generously
dependent
on our ability to receive abundance freely?

is our ability to give acceptance
enhanced by our ability to receive acceptance?

does our ability to fearlessly love
 grow out of our ability
to freely receive love?

is our ability to be fruitful
always dependent
on our ability to receive nourishment?

can we give anything
that we haven't received first?

art and me

here's the thing.

i've been gifted and online art course.

i have poor eye-hand coordination.
never had good fine motor skills.
legally blind.

and i wasn't given this
so that i could become a better artist.  ;)

i was given this so that i could share
a piece of my favorite artist's life.

that would be my one and only child.
an artist.

and i was happy to observe.
but then a quiet voice spoke within my heart:
i've been given an art course.

well.
i might not be greatly gifted this way,
but i could grow in the small gifts i have.

 so the pre-course challenge
was to feel free to make messy art,
and all those artists are dealing with
perfectionism.

and me?
well.
in a certain way i am too.

so here is my art.
messy.
--and with an irony that makes me smile,
it is a statement against perfectionism--
because i really don't have the ability
to make any other kind of {visual} art.

Perspectives on Suffering.

When I was working through the series on guilt, pertinent blog posts appeared in my feed, and I passed them on in my blog.

When I started thinking about suffering (November!)  I started looking for blog posts on suffering, thinking I'd have more to share this time around.  Not until this week have I been given any additional perspective in this way. 

So here are some gleanings from my reading this week:

 From The Contemplative Cottage, an extended quote from Christ the Tiger by Thomas Howard.

John Piper speaks about preparing for (inevitable) suffering.

Tony Reinke reflects on what John Newton, author of Amazing Grace, wrote to his young step-daughter about the inevitable hazards of life.

Lovely Holly Gerth wrote about not letting the fear of getting hurt dominate your decisions.

I follow the {in}courage bloom book club, and one day this week the vlog was about Prayer of the Heart, Meditative Prayer, and Contemplative Prayer. 

Perhaps this kind of praying happens most naturally when you are flat on your back or flat on your face.

The way that intense suffering humbles and empties a person may prepare her for deep communion with her God.

Expression

Angela Nazworth published an article about "When You're Expected to 'Pull It Together'" on {in}courage which I thought was helpful in considering suffering.

My response to her article is asking myself some questions.  Am I comfortable with letting other people express their grief, both privately and publicly if necessary?  Am I comfortable with grieving through my own griefs?  Am I ashamed when my griefs overflow outside of my privacy?  Can I trust God to let appropriate expressions of grief be good?

Suppression

"Suppressing your hurts is like not tending to a bullet wound. Eventually you will bleed out. Don't numb pain, express it."  Lecrae

Courage

He has suffered horrific childhood abuse of every kind.  In one of our first conversations, he said that he wanted to tell me something really funny, and he laughed while he told me a first-hand story of being exploited. 

I felt a little ill.

His survival skills were phenomenal, but his ability to move into adult life with healthy relationships had been seriously crippled. 

Over the course of nearly a dozen years I have had the privilege of watching this youth grow into manhood.  He has struggled to heal and be free of the damage of the past.

He joined the Marines and served in Iraq.  He married and had children.  He has nurtured his children.  He graduated from college and entered graduate school.

He has struggled philosophically, since he is in truth a philosopher.  What is truth?  Does anything really exist?  He came to the point where he knew confidently that at least one thing really existed: love.  He knew that he loved his son.  His daughter.  His wife.  And from there he began to realize that there is a kind of truth that cannot be quantified, but which exists.

In the first part of December he was given the gift of faith in God, in Jesus. At the same time, he was given healing for his heart and soul. 

A few weeks later we were talking on the phone, and he gave me two pieces of news.  He has cancer. And he and his wife are expecting their third child.

Grief and joy mingled.  Healing followed by fresh suffering.  Fresh grief.  Fresh pain.  And fresh hope.

He told me once that after his surgery, he had a couple days where he was tempted to think angrily, "Haven't I suffered enough?"  But his foundational understanding is that suffering is good. . .or results in good.  There are good reasons for suffering.

Much of this is beyond my ability to comprehend.  But I feel privileged to observe and love this amazing manchild.  I love to see him making such tremendous effort and succeeding.

I am inspired by his courage.

Is Suffering Evil?

We've known Daniel almost his whole life.  He is now in his early 30's, and has long rejected God.  Not without reason.  He's seen some fairly awful things said and done in God's name.

In recent correspondence with my husband, Daniel revealed that though he is an atheist, he believes in absolute truth.  Mark asked him what he believes is absolute truth, and Daniel responded that he believes that pleasure is good, and suffering/pain is evil.

I thought of sadism.  And masochism.  In these, both pain and pleasure are probably evil.

I thought of the fitness motto: no pain, no gain.  A little pain may bring long-term benefit--or healthy pleasure.

I thought of life-saving surgeries.

How about labor and delivery?

These are all examples of physical suffering, but I wonder if the same concepts apply to mental or spiritual suffering?   Are there mental pleasures that are destructive to oneself or others?  Are there painful disciplines that bring long term benefits?  Are there piercing losses that bring long-term mental or spiritual health?  Can pain and suffering birth new spiritual and mental life?