suffering--causes

This list was also gleaned from conversations with friends:

*people in close relationships
*betrayal
*illness
*loss
*death
*sin
*covetousness/discontent ("We think we should have something we don't")
*criticism
*rejection
*bad choices
*discipline
*justice
*persecution

What causes you pain?

suffering--word associations

The council of friends is scattered right now.  One is snow-birding in California, and another has had a number of business related trips. 

However, I talked with each, and also number of other friends who I know have experienced significant suffering.  Some of the comments I will give individual posts, but from different conversations, I collect the following word associations for suffering:

sacrifice
affliction
anguish
pain
grief
weakness
discouragement
despair
hardship
persecution
poverty
exhaustion
buffeted
sin

From Thesaurus.com, I found "suffering" defined as "pain, agony".  Synonyms listed were: adversity, affliction, anguish, difficulty, discomfort, distress, dolor, hardship, martyrdom, misery, misfortune, ordeal, passion, torment, torture.

Wikipedia defined "suffering" broadly as "an experience of unpleasantness and aversion associated with the perception of harm or threat of harm in an individual."  The article further explained that suffering can be subdivided into physical suffering, mental suffering, emotional suffering, psychological suffering, and even spiritual suffering.  In addition: 

[Suffering] may come in all degrees of intensity, from mild to intolerable. Factors of duration and frequency of occurrence usually compound that of intensity. Attitudes toward suffering may vary widely, in the sufferer or other people, according to how much it is regarded as avoidable or unavoidable, useful or useless, deserved or undeserved.

So a paper cut causes a certain level of suffering, and betrayal by a friend causes a different level of suffering.  But the intensity of pain felt by each will differ (stating the obvious there).

What is the worst thing you have ever suffered?

Introduction to Suffering

When my council of friends was concluding our reflection on guilt--and in the journey some significant deliverance from it--Lisa from Ireland emailed me and asked if maybe after the new year we could explore the concept of suffering in the same way.   I agreed and starting meditating on suffering.

Toward the end of December a significant chain of events led to major changes in my life.  In the culture in which I live, there is a lot of violence.  Someone new to the area commented that the judge is too free with handing out restraining orders. I disagree.  Having conversed with quite  a few of the people who have asked for restraining orders as well as those who have had restraining orders against them, I would observe that they seem to have been served fairly. 

Avoiding the back story (I still can't talk of it easily), I will say that a woman who has hatred for me went from stonily glaring at me every time she saw me to unrestrained public verbal attacks, not only on me but also on other of my family members.  These attacks have happened both at church and at the only grocery store (currently) in town. My understanding is that we have reason to get a restraining order.  However, we don't feel free to take her to court, nor to make any more trouble in her life than she is already making for herself.  Nevertheless, we still feel a need to avoid needlessly placing ourselves in danger. 

This has led to significant lifestyle changes.  It  has also led to a spiritual struggle with anger and fear.  Summarizing hours and days of internal battle, I can truthfully say that the Lord has given us the ability to love her and care about her well-being.  He has also given us the ability to be wise and avoid unnecessary provocation.  All this is very humbling.  Humiliating even.

So I didn't write about suffering when the new year started.

Because I was so shattered.

Then I was going to make it the subject of thought during Lent.  Well, Lent is well underway, and nothing has been written.

This morning I have worked out and and listened to podcasts and watched vlogs and started dinner.  I folded laundry and put it away.

And there is no avoiding it any longer.

What is suffering?  Why do we suffer? What good is it?  or is it evil?  How can we suffer well?  How can we suffer badly?  What is the worst kind of suffering?

repost

From friends' facebook posts:

"God does not send us two classes of providences--one good, and one evil. All are good. Affliction is God's goodness in the seed. It takes time for a seed to grow and to develop into fruitfulness. Many of the best things of our lives--come to us first as pain, suffering, earthly loss or disappointment--black seeds without beauty--but afterward they grow into the rich harvest of righteousness! J. R. Miller"

 "It never seizes to amaze me how blessed my life has been for so many years! God loves doing the impossible in my life and I love it!!"  C. Z.

I so totally concur with both!

Love adds chocolate?

(I copied this from a friend--it's a li'l cheesy, but sweet. . .)

Love  Adds a Little Chocolate

A house is a house--until love comes through the door, that is. And love transforms a house into a very special home for very special people: your family.

Money, of course, can build a charming house, but only love can furnish it with a feeling of home. 

Duty can pack an adequate sack lunch, but love may decide to enclose a little note inside. 

Money can provide a television set, but love controls it and cares enough to say 'no' and take the guff that comes with it.

Obligation sends the children to bed on time, but love tucks the covers in around their necks and passes out kisses and hugs. 

Obligation can cook a meal, but love might embellish the table with a potted ivy trailing around slender candles. 

Duty writes many letters, but love adds joy. . .a joke or a picture or a fresh stick of gum inside.

Compulsion keeps a sparkling house, but love and prayer stand a better chance of producing a happy family.

Duty gets offended quickly if it isn't appreciated, but love learns to laugh a lot and to work for the sheer joy of doing it.

Obligation can pour a glass of milk, but quite often, love adds a little chocolate.

Author unknown

The Best of 2012

2012 had been one of the best (though sometimes hardest) years of my life.  So when I saw this list  from  {in}courage, I knew I wanted to celebrate by recording these:

The best recipe you couldn’t not make again?  Dear li'l 3-year-old grandson did not like my homemade venison sausage (It's too 'picy, Gramma!) so I switched out the pepper with minced garlic, which met his approval. 

The best book you couldn’t put down?  Well, I read Knowing God by J.I. Packer at least half a dozen times, and read through the whole Harry Potter series for the first time.  :) 

The best song that you just couldn’t get out of your head?  10,000 Reasons.  :)

The jeans that fit best?Haha. well.  Jeggings?  Then, after doing the diastasis exercises (see the best link) I fit back into all my regular jeans again.  :)  I don't know the brands.

The tool/gizmo/idea that worked best? (It’s true: One good idea in hand is worth two good friends knowing about it too!)  That would be the Mix and Masher from Pampered Chef:

The risk that returned best? (It’s why angels always say it first: “Do not be afraid.” You never start living until you stop fearing.)  Maybe taking a 2-year-old and a 4-year-old camping for the first time?  and the second time?  Pure delight!

The best link of 2102? One my daughter pinned for me on Pinterest: http://inspiredrd.com/2012/06/dear-diastasis-recti-im-so-over-you.html

The best laugh?  The things my grandchildren say. . .and do. . .and pretend!

The best living?  Oh, living the life God has for me. . .being who he wants me to be, doing the next thing, knowing I can be honest with him, not wanting to hide. . .And I had more purposeful fun than I have ever had in any year of my life!  Camping, picnics, trips, weddings, parties, games, movies, books. . .and so much pleasure and joy in doing them with people I love!

The best thing you didn’t want to do — but you did anyway? (Happiness comes to them who pursue hard things.)  :) Starting my council of friends was so hard. . .but they have been one of the biggest blessings in my life for  a long time!

What was the best habit?  After reading The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin, I made a li'l chart to help me remember to send birthday cards and make phone calls to reach out to people. 

The best holiday?  Passover/Resurrection Sunday!

The best gift?  The best ever, and every day, is that God gave us himself!

The best sacrifice? (The best way to have more is to give more…)  Taking care of my mom for a few weeks--difficult but rewarding!  And thankfully she is much better now.

fighting perfectionism

I was just remembering a conversation with one of my college roommates when we were students.  I was upset because I had made less than a 100% on a test.  Not that this was all that uncommon, but missing anything felt like failure to me.

Linda could not understand my frustration.  I had made an A.

"Did you do your best?" she inquired.

I thought a moment, and then replied truthfully, "Yes."

"Well, that's all God expects from you.  And who are *you* to expect more from someone than God does?"