book of remembrance

unscripted

2012-02-02T20:30:00.000-07:00

when joseph's brothers

came to egypt the first time. . .

God didn't send him a text

or a memo

or even a dream

to warn him,

"today

those 10 guys

who wanted to kill you 20 years ago

are going to show up."

he swore (more than once)

"by the life of pharoah"

what he was going to do to them.

he was serious.

they had wanted to kill him

for no good reason;

he would have been justified

if he wanted to kill them.

they had caused him to be a slave for over 20 years;

in justice, he could have enslaved them all.

instead, he told them

that their situation couldn't be resolved

unless one brought back their brother.

then he imprisoned them. . .

for three (short) days.

after which he summoned them.

and he said to them,

"do this,

because i fear God. . ."

and i am just so relieved

to see that God put him in a position

where he

was forced

to react instinctively,

and he didn't know immediately how to react.

it was a li'l messy.

yes.

it was.

but he took the time he needed

and focused on God,

and because he did that,

his response was much more lenient

than what he had initially decided.

God didn't give him a chance to prepare his script

for what we would read about him,

oh, thousands of years later.

what he did

is what God wanted to showcase.

and in the end, he was speaking kindly to them,

and comforting them,

and showing us all

that even though they hated him

and intended to do evil against him,

God all along had been planning

for the good of all of them.

ugly

2012-01-26T06:00:00.001-07:00

slander.

such an ugly word,
defined both
by malice
and deceit.

oh, heart and mind,
do not toy
with such dangerous
and deformed thoughts.

be honest.
be kind.

the struggle to be both
truthful and gracious,
completely
and simultaneously,
is a victory
well worth the cost
in mental and emotional effort.

"The good person
out of the good treasure of his heart
produces good,
and the evil person
out of his evil treasure
produces evil,
for out of the abundance of the heart
his mouth speaks," Jesus said.

and i find it to be true.

reverent

2012-01-25T06:00:00.001-07:00

i look at the sky.

and i have been told
that tons of water
float lightly-looking
above my head
on top of a sea of atmosphere.
and i walk at the bottom
of the sky,
feet on solid ground.

and i have been told
the dizzying speed at which
the earth rotates
on its axis,
and hurtles through space
revolving around the sun.
and i want to lay down
flat
on something solid
and hold on.

and i see the violet
blossoming all delightful,
beautiful,
fragile,
resilient.

i sense the wonders
in wind,
earth,
fire,
and water.

i have witnessed the miracle
of human birth,
delicate wholeness,
marvelous helplessness.

and i am in awe
of One
whose wisdom
invented it all.

mentor

2012-01-24T06:00:00.003-07:00

so the Father says,
"the older women. . .
may encourage the younger women."

so as an older one,
i try to encourage those younger
to be all that the Father
has made them to be--
loving their husbands,
loving their children,
being sensible,
being pure,
being diligent,
being kind,
being respectful to their husbands.

as a younger one,
i seek older ones who are
reverent,
not malicious gossips,
not alcoholic,
teachers of good.

and for myself?
i want to have
all
these
lovely
qualities.

(reflections on titus 2.3-4)

mankind

2012-01-23T06:00:00.001-07:00

i didn't realize
it was outdated--
the word "mankind"
and the use
of the word "man"
to refer to the whole human race.

archaic.

and i feel melancholy
over such a thing.

has our race become so segmented
that male and female
no longer sense
their unity?
their oneness?

woman comes from man,
and man from woman.

we are one
in source
and destiny.

equal.
different.

and so
when reflecting
on God's communication
to man (in the archaic sense)
he is speaking to me.

and there is the communication
specifically addressed to men
(adult males)
that doesn't really mean me,
but i am never the exception.

and there is the loving instruction
to women
(female adults of the human race).

the Creator of the universe,
the King of kings,
my Father,
has written loving messages
to me--
his daughter.

and, oh,
how i treasure them all!

thoughts

2012-01-22T06:00:00.001-07:00

i want
to be stable
emotionally,
psychologically,
spiritually.

i want be
firmly established,
securely founded
so that
when the storms of life,
the waves of affliction,
the winds of adversity
beat on me,
i will be like a house
founded on a rock.

unmoved,
unbreakable.

he is my rock.
his thoughts--
so far above mine--
are accessible to me
in his word.

oh, Lord,
please help me
to think your thoughts,
to love with your love,
understand by the faith you give.

please,
help me to obey
willingly
and gladly.

thank you.

fruitful

2012-01-21T18:43:00.002-07:00

i want to be
like a date palm
planted by a water spring,
fruitful
even in drought.

so i will love God's law
and meditate
on it
day and night.

i will avoid
following ungodly counsel
and going sinful ways
and resting in scornful thoughts.

oh, Lord,
please grant me
this desire.

thank you.

joy

2011-11-17T18:52:00.000-07:00

Holidays are a time of joy--joy expressed through thanksgiving and hospitality.

And yet sometimes over our holidays, mingled with our joy and gratitude, is the shadow of grief.

Our focus can turn from God's goodness to our suffering, or the afflictions of those dear to our hearts.

That is how I was looking ahead to the holiday season. On the one hand planning the guest list and menu, on the other bearing some heavy burdens.

I received a package from Dayspring with a home decor item to review on my blog. When i opened the package, it was a large pedestal with the words around the top rim "TO LIVE WITH JOY IS TO SEE GOD'S GOODNESS."

The mango wood is beautiful, the pedestal shapely, and the message timely. The pedestal was a bit larger than I had imagined it would be, and I didn't want to put it on top of the table or any other high surface, so I finally settled on putting it on the floor next to the couch and using it for another table surface. I found a clear plate to put inside the top, and put a coaster on it. So while it looked large on the table, it looks delicate on the floor. :)

However, the message on it is the biggest encouragement. It reminds me of the goodness of God in the middle of difficulties. And when I start thinking of his goodness, then I start realizing how immense and numerous his blessings are.

Then I am full of joy.

guest posting

2011-10-05T09:35:00.000-06:00

i have been invited to post for "christians under construction" today. i don't know how lisa and i connected, but i'm willing to give God the credit for introducing us through our blogs. she has been an encouragement to me on the days when i wonder why i'm posting my bare heart out here in public. as a sister in Jesus, i love her and thank God for bringing us together. also, i look forward to that day when we will meet in the presence of our Lord.

hope

in a moment of quiet
the desire for God,
for God himself
fills me,
a thirst that can be quenched
by no other.

in the night
i weep.
grief overcomes hope.

while difficulties multiply
some say,
“where is your God?”

the words pierce heart deep.

(click here to see the rest of the post.)

vision

2011-10-04T11:43:00.001-06:00

Every human being is

“formed to be a spectator of the created world –

and given eyes

that he might be led to its Author

by contemplating so beautiful a representation.”

~ John Calvin, Commentary on Romans 1:19

copied from ann voskamp

visual

2011-09-30T09:01:00.002-06:00

for the gift of vision
and for the pleasure of the visual
i am thankful
to the Creator.

for the beauty he made
in landscape
and flowers
and starlit nights
and peacocks and hummingbirds
and ducks and robins
and cats and stags. . .
and of the human form
i am thankful.

for the beauty-making ability
that he gave mankind--
for shapely sports cars
and tractors and the big machines,
for architecture
and carefully crafted furniture
and calligraphy and photography
and textile art and wall art
i am thankful.

for the pleasure of vision
and enjoyment of colors
and visual textures
and line and curve
i am thankful.

but the dark side of the visual,
the "lust of the eyes",
God warns of of this
and of coveting.
wanting beauty not intended for us,
heart desires that lead us to evil. ..
to lie,
to steal,
to adultery,
to dishonor our parents,
and worst, to desire
something more than the Most Satisfying.
oh, Father, do not lead us into temptation,
but deliver us from evil.

safety

2011-09-29T02:33:00.003-06:00

"blessed are the pure in heart,"
Jesus taught his disciples.

also in the same discourse, he taught,
"if a man looks on a woman with lust,
he has already committed adultery
in his heart."

he traveled with these--
men being made pure in heart.

and one day
he was teaching in the temple.

a woman
betrayed by her lover,
condemned by the self=righteous,
shamed,
and thrown at Jesus' feet.

there at his feet,
in the presence of his disciples,
she found grace
to go,
and sin no more.

God's presence

2011-09-21T10:52:00.002-06:00

sometimes we hear--
or say--
"where is God?
he seems so far away!"

however, the apostle paul,
speaking on mars hill,
"in him we live
and move
and have our being."

are we possibly
just taking him for granted?
are we so distracted
by things of lesser importance
that we are rudely unaware
of him?

he is here.

by his omnipresence
he fills this place with all he is:
love and righteousness,
grace and truth,
mercy and justice,
humility and sovereignty.

contentment

2011-09-09T09:10:00.001-06:00

contentment:
satisfaction,
fulfillment,
gratification,
ease of mind.

but when i stress:
if only. . .
i should be. . .
i should have. . .
then i am revealing
the dissatisfaction
within my heart--
dissatisfaction
with myself,
my circumstances,
my relationships.

the apostle Paul said that contentment
was a skill he learned
both in abundance
and want.
he did it all through Christ,
who strengthened him.

john piper says:
God is most glorified in us
when we are most satisfied in him.

and the scripture commands us:
be content with what you have,
for He Himself has said,
"I will never desert you,
nor will I ever forsake you."
so that we confidently say,
"the Lord is my helper,
i will not be afraid.
what will man do to me?"

O, Lord,
i want to meekly receive this word,
grafted into my heart,
bearing fruit.
Thank you.

loved

2011-09-09T09:08:00.003-06:00

the joy
is not in being loved--
as joyful as that is.

the peace
is not in the limitlessness
of that love,
though it is limitless.

the joy,
the peace,
are in knowing
the One who loves me.

request

2011-07-31T08:48:00.001-06:00

dear Father,
please grant me a heart to know,
eyes to see,
ears to hear
the joy of your nearness.

small

2011-07-25T21:00:00.002-06:00

i made a good play
in a game
on the computer.

"thank you, God!"

sincere gratitude.

but immediately i thought,
"how does God feel
when i thank him
for something
so
insignificant."

i felt embarrassed before him.

then i remembered
how he created
this perfect, tiny world
called earth
in the middle of a vast universe.

and on that tiny globe,
he formed ultra-miniature,
in-his-own-image
people.

then i smiled.

he would not mind being thanked
even for the smallest,
seemingly insignificant
things.

learning and discerning

2011-07-25T07:57:00.003-06:00

worship yesterday was very good. the songs chosen were a blessing as we focused on God's love for us and Christ's sacrifice of himself in our behalf: the love of God, blessed be the name, how deep the Father's love for us, nothing but the blood, and Jesus paid it all.

pastor don julian preached from hebrews 5 -10 on Jesus being our priest, advocate and mediator. being reminded that we need a priest, an advocate, was excellent. also, being reminded that God has also made us priests, and that we should be going confidently to the throne of grace to intercede in behalf of others was good.

last night at a home fellowship, pastor mark worden led in a study of psalm 1, reminding us of the path of God's blessing. the testimony of the different ones who were there about how God's word sustains us and makes us fruitful was good also.

being part of a body of believers--flawed though we may be--is a great source of God's grace.

learning and discerning

2011-07-23T16:40:00.004-06:00

i've been mulling over pastor don jullian's sermon from last sunday, "the sword of judgment and the throne of grace," all week.

my own take from the sermon was from a passing observation that on the ark of the covenant, covering the law and the budding rod of aaron and the bowl of manna that commemorated God's provision, was the mercy seat. the visual i received of God's mercy covering law and life and provision, and God's presence above all moved me to gratitude. i am so thankful for his mercy, and glad it covers all. i'm thankful for his law and the establishment of authority and provision, and for the shelter they find under his merciful presence.

monday my daughter reminded me of pastor don's application, expressing her desire to be a person demonstrating God's grace in our community, and she was able to practice what was preached in a difficult situation. as she rejoiced that she had an opportunity to do what she had heard, i was reminded of that emphasis as well, and the rest of the week i have had that on my mind as well.

oh, the the word of God examines even our smallest thoughts and our motives, but we can turn from it's bright, exposing light to our compassionate Savior, finding mercy and grace to help us be people of shining grace in our neediest times.

fret, part 2

2011-07-16T22:45:00.000-06:00

so i hear about the gossip,
or the lie,
or see the grief of stolen loss--
but the wrong is not against me.
it is against another.

then i fret
and worry
about how my friend
or family member
will
survive
this.

my thoughts an endless
downward
spiral.

empty conjectures.
love-stifling fears.
unsatisfiable anger.

"do not fret because of evildoers."
the words of my loving Father intervene,
and because of the noise
in my soul,
and the self-justification
--"this angst is not for me,
it's because i care"--
he repeats.

then he repeats again,
until he has my attention,
and i try to obey.

grieve over wrong,
over loss,
over hurt.

don't fret about the wrong-doer,
the hurtful one.
o, my soul, trust in the almighty love
of your Creator and Father
in the behalf
of those you love!

he will work all for good.
when they are tested,
they will come through
like purified gold.

fret

2011-07-15T08:31:00.003-06:00

so i hear the gossip,
or the lie,
or know the grief of stolen loss.

then i fret
and stew:

"how COULD he?"
"why WOULD she?"
"how could i have prevented. . ."
"how can i protect. . ."

my thoughts an endless
downward
spiral.

empty conjectures.
loveless fears.

"do not fret because of evildoers."
the words of my loving Father intervene,
and because of the noise
in my soul,
he repeats.

then he repeats again,
until he has my attention,
and i try to obey.

grieve over wrong,
over loss,
over hurt.

don't fret about the wrong-doer,
the hurtful one.
o, my soul, trust in the almighty love
of your Creator and Father.

he will work all for good
to those who love him.

overcoming evil with good

2011-07-13T09:50:00.002-06:00

i read the article
on fear.
la de da.

and then a phrase reaches out
and hits me
between
the eyes.

“It’s really your ugly pride that makes you afraid. “Just bow in humility to rise up in courage.”

our place of winning
the war
against the darkness within,
always
a place of humility.

not groveling,
but a simple acknowledgement:
He is the potter,
i am the clay.

He is my power,
my strength,
my stability.

i can do
what He
has called me to.

learning and discerning

2011-07-11T08:19:00.004-06:00

Pastor Don had spoken a week ago from Hebrews about being diligent to enter God's rest, and reminded us again of the importance of that. I really needed the encouragement.

Worship leader Ben Power reminded us that God is everything that we need and that we are dearly loved by him.

Peter Eldredge spoke about the conversion of Paul, and emphasized that all our ambition and personal power gets us nowhere in true holiness: Jesus is all we need.

Without coordinating the messages, the worship team had prepared to lead us in closing with "Above All".

During time with friends afterward, we (mostly I) received great encouragement to trust God to take care of people who are dear to us who are going through hard times.

I am deeply grateful for the Christian brothers and sisters God has placed in our lives through the years, and how they help us where we are here and now.

cold

2011-07-07T21:48:00.003-06:00

"because iniquity shall abound,"
Jesus explained,
"the love of many will grow cold."

the statement repeats itself in my thoughts,
circling around
again and again
until i pay attention
and ponder it.

because iniquity abounds,
the love of many grows cold.

and within my soul an alarm goes off--
a flashing red light in the darkness,
an air-raid siren increasing the urgency.

i am warned.
the natural tendency of the many,
probably of all,
is to grow cold and loveless
as waves of betrayal and violence wash over us.

and i see,
first dimly,
then more and more clearly,
how the wrongs
against me,
against those i love,
against my acquaintances,
against people i only hear about through the news media--
oh, all of these betrayals and violations,
abrasive
and numbing
and callousing,
fill my soul until
i just
don't
really
care.

"oh, God, have mercy!
ignite my love to white hot fervor!
give me tenderness of heart,
a passion for mercy and justice.
give me stability of heart
to embrace the pain
of loving
even when iniquity abounds."

and the loveflame
on the smoldering wick flickers,
bursts into light,
and shines.

learning and discerning

2011-06-26T07:06:00.002-06:00

this is the practical response to my post about preparing my heart to be a humble learner. the past three weeks, i have been trying to take something from each church service and sermon to reflect on throughout the week. i feel richer for the treasures i have been given.

three weeks ago, pastor don julian spoke from hebrews 2. some of his observations:

There is no way back, but only forward, in following Christ.

Jesus was crowned--not for lording it over us--but for suffering for us. (v. 9)

Jesus loves ans serves us, not just asking us to love and serve him--he is our inspiration.

two weeks ago, i attended the helena alliance church with my friend pam. her pastor, jim stumbo, spoke about pentecost. i'd never been in a church that celebrated pentecost and the coming of the holy spirit before. in speaking from acts 1:4-8, the pastor taught that:

Power is not in itself the entity that we seek. We seek God for himself, not some gift or something He does--and the Spirit himself is the power of God.

he also emphasized that the greatest power that we need is to overcome the darkness, the sin, within our own hearts.

i almost laughed when, after he had made a good point he said, "i don't really understand what i just said, but it's right there," and then pointed at the verse in his Bible.

how much of the truth that we affirm do any of us really understand? we see through the glass dimly, but one day we will see clearly.

the same day, i was able to listen to pastor don's sermon on hebrews 3 online after it was posted. it's a blessing, if someone has the time to listen to it.

and last week, when i was able to be home, mark preached the father's day sermon. of course, i always love his preaching. his emphasis on how God is a father--our example of the perfect father-- took us through the gospel of john. the passages he chose focused on jesus' life on earth, and those times when he and his father interacted.

i'm thankful for the opportunity to learn.

thankful

2011-06-20T23:55:00.002-06:00

this was our father's day. . .

from mark's perspective

the gift of encouragement

2011-06-15T05:45:00.011-06:00

Ever since I first discovered Dayspring, I have loved the way they communicate what is close to my heart. I carefully browse through the written message, mull over the included verse, and then check out the artwork to see if it seems to suit the person for whom the card is intended.

Even more dear to my heart are the many Dayspring cards that I have received from friends over the years, treasuring my friends' love and encouragement.

You can imagine my delight when I found that Dayspring would send me a free package of card if i would review them on my blog in conjunction with their June emphasis on encouragement! I chose a package of Bright Blessings cards. In the package is an assortment of greetings, including birthday, encouragement and comfort, and gratitude. The bright photography and graphics are a treat in themselves, but the spiritual emphasis, turning the focus to the Lord, is what really touches my heart.

relocated

2011-06-11T16:26:00.002-06:00

for one month, i'm in helena, montana teaching cooking/adaptive cooking skills to adults who have lost or are losing their vision. my chief qualification is that i am legally blind. the next one is that i cook.

tomorrow afternoon the students will begin arriving on the campus that the montana association of the blind rents for this one month orientation program.

i want my light to shine before men, that they may see my good works and glorify my Father in heaven.

i would appreciate your prayers as being away from my husband, daughter, son-in-law, grandchildren, friends, and my own familiar surroundings is difficult.

thankfully, the Lord is always near.

it's friday

2011-05-28T21:50:00.004-06:00

but sunday's coming. . .

i want to be ready.

i don't want to be a picky eater
when i sit down at a banquet of truth,
even though i may,
like the bereans,
check the scriptures to make sure
that i'm really taking in truth.

i don't want to be grading
the performance of the preacher,
as if he were my student
in a public speaking class.
i want to be a hearer of the word
and a doer of the same,
receiving with meekness
the engrafted word.

i want to learn,
asking questions
to the appropriate person
in the appropriate time and place--
not challenging the authority
or veracity
of the God-ordained leader,
not dragging out a personal issue
for public discussion,
but in humility
increasing understanding.

i want to begin
with a heart prepared to obey,
to live at unity God's people,
a desire to encourage others
to love and good works.

Father, please fill my heart
with a song of joy,
with generosity,
with reverence,
with humility.

Lord, have mercy on me.

life quest

2011-05-26T14:15:00.000-06:00

when i was young and contemplated having a life verse, i couldn't really settle on one. but then my youth pastor spoke to us about the value of seeking wisdom as if we were searching for gold. he was animated about it's importance, citing a number of exhortations from solomon's writings in the book of proverbs. i was captivated by the passage:

[my father] taught me and said to me,
“Let your heart hold fast my words;
keep my commandments, and live.
Get wisdom; get insight;
do not forget, and do not turn away from the words of my mouth.
Do not forsake her, and she will keep you;
love her, and she will guard you.
The beginning of wisdom is this: Get wisdom,
and whatever you get, get insight.
Prize her highly, and she will exalt you;
she will honor you if you embrace her.
She will place on your head a graceful garland;
she will bestow on you a beautiful crown.” --Proverbs 4:4-9

as my life seemed extremely difficult, i felt inadequate to do any good in my situation. How i yearned to know how God would want me to think and act! consequently, james 1:5 became precious to me: "if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him." many times i have called out to God to grant me wisdom, and he has never failed to grant my request.

in that special passage that encourages women to excellence, one virtue that is extolled is wisdom. "she opens her mouth with wisdom" we are told in proverbs 31:26. i want that too.

and moses, in the one psalm authored by him, wrote, "so teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom" (psalm 90:12). let it be so, dear Lord.

God's Goodness in Suffering

2011-05-26T09:25:00.002-06:00

This message by Mark Talbot, All the Good that Is Ours in Christ: Seeing God's Gracious Hand in the Hurts Others Do to Us, was recently posted on John Knight's blog, The Works of God. I always find John's articles helpful, and was especially encouraged by this message by Mark Talbot this morning.

submission

2011-05-25T08:20:00.001-06:00

"We're asked not to submit to fallible men but to Christ, the lover of our souls. And submission to Christ means liberation from necessity, circumstance, setback, envy, resentment, and eventually death. The wife-and-mother role looks small when married to a couch potato in a houseful of unappreciative kids. But what if Prince William asked us to marry him? And what if, instead of mindlessly popping out babies, we were invaluable links in a royal line? What's demeaning about motherhood, when the Lord of all creation chose to be a mother's son? What's the problem with being a wife, when the King of the Universe wants to marry us?

"True freedom is not obsessed with getting what's mine, but owning what is God's. Happy the woman (and man, for that matter) who can let go of herself and clutch even the hem of that royal garment."

Janie B. Cheney on World Magazine's blog today.

Leader

2011-05-18T08:55:00.005-06:00

Charlotte Mason introduced me to the idea of "innate authority." In her observation of parents, she felt that some were either overbearing or negligent because they didn't understand that they have God-given, innate authority, and that a child may fight that authority but cannot overrule it.

In modern evangelical circles, many seem to have lost the idea of "innate authority" in relation to the husband's leadership in our homes. One may hear conversation assuming that a wife should let her husband lead, or that God has commanded men to lead, or that a husband can choose whether or not to lead. These assumptions find no basis in Scripture.

One scripture that alludes to a husband's leadership in the home is found in Ephesians 5. The passage reads:

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. (verses 22-24, ESV)

The command is to wives: submit to your own husband as to the Lord. The presupposition: the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church. His leadership is a God-given, innate position. He may do it purposefully or oppressively or negligently, but he is the only one doing it. The first example of man's accountability to God for his leadership is in Genesis, when God came into the garden after man's fall. He called Adam to give an account first. In addition, God holds Adam responsible for bringing sin into the world (Romans 5:12).

In the physical analogy, the head is the head. The neck or the heart or the arm doesn't "let" the head be the head. Each member of the physical body submits to the instructions and leadership of the head. If the body cannot or will not do what the head requires, there is some kind of dysfunction and disability.

Christ is the head of the church. Whether we totally understand the details of how this manifests itself, according to the passage in Ephesians, the true believers in Christ will submit themselves to Jesus Christ, obeying his will.

This is a wife's example. One's husband is her head. When did that happen? When she took vows before God and witnesses to be his wife. Maybe an individual woman excluded that from her marriage vows, but before God that is part of the essence of being a wife. Submission to her husband is part of her submission to God.

If a woman thinks that her husband can turn his leadership on and off, she will fall into some habits of dysfunction. She will assume that she can discern when he is leading, and when he is not. She may feel that there is a vacuum of leadership, a void that someone must fill. However, if she assumes that he is leading, she will be looking for the ways that he is leading. Once she has discerned the direction that he is leading the family, she will either respond critically, even rebelliously, or she will be submissive and supportive. Sometimes she will like the way he's leading. Sometimes she will not.

In responding a husband's leadership, a woman cannot always be "happy" with all the decisions he makes. Examine yourself:
*Am I unhappy just because I'm not getting my own way?
*Am I unhappy because he's following God and I don't like the sometimes difficult consequences of that decision?
*Am I unhappy because my husband is disobeying God, and I fear the repercussions of God's chastening?

If a wife is displeased and angry because she is not getting her own way, she needs to repent of pride and arrogance--of being self-centered--and ask for God's help to be more loving.

If a wife is fearful and upset because of the consequences of her husband's taking a strong position of integrity? Remember Job's wife? She must repent and love God more than she loves her own ease and convenience.

Is a wife discouraged and grieved because her husband is in clear disobedience to the word of God? Consider the following scripture:

Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct. Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.(I Peter 3:1-6, ESV)

If your husband is disobeying the Lord, reflect on this passage prayerfully, asking God for wisdom to know how to respond and for the gentleness and tranquility of spirit that He Himself values so highly.

Sisters, let us take courage in knowing that we have the power of the resurrected Christ to empower us to be victorious in Him.

Dear Father, help us to see how our husbands are leading, to respect the manly leaders you have made them, to encourage them to be godly leaders, and to trust you even in the painful times.

what i need in five years

2011-05-09T16:37:00.002-06:00

a greater love for God

a more unselfish love for others

contentment
in whatever condition i find myself

a growing trust in the Lord and His word

a more restful, willing obedience to Him

a willingness
to sell everything i have
and share it all with the poor

such complete dedication to the Lord
that whatever i do, i do for his glory

a bolder witness for Jesus Christ

less quenching God's Spirit,
more filling by him

more experience
knowing God and his word

ceaseless communication with my Savior

peace beyond understanding

unconditional joy

purity of heart

greater ability to make peace

rejoicing in mistreatment
and misrepresentation

knowing the fellowship
of the sufferings
of Christ

security,
stability
in God

this is just a beginning. . .

underground

2011-04-21T04:08:00.003-06:00

back in september, through circumstances that we did not expect nor want, we lost both our income and housing. several sympathetic friends and family members offered us a place of refuge until we could discern our next move. however, our son-in-law invited us first, and his home was our first choice.

we gave away much, threw away much, stored some, and moved into the guest room.

mid-winter i was sitting in the guest room contemplating where we were and where we were going. at that point, life seemed a bit directionless. i looked up at the light coming in the window, wondering wordlessly about what God was doing at this season of our life. being dependent on our children at our stage of life is not a little humbling. we were still in transition without knowing where we were going to settle. a verse was spoken into my heart, "Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit." (John 12:24)

i almost laughed. the guest bedroom window that i was looking at has a view of. . .well, the ground. the guest room in which we are staying is in the basement. we had, in a certain sense, fallen into the ground. our hopes and dreams for seeing a great work of God in us and through us in our field had died. the ministry in which and for which we labored seemed to have ended. my husband's vision of a body of believers putting down deep roots in the Word of God, sending effectual and fervent prayers heavenward, bearing hundredfold fruit--that vision faded.

throughout the winter the verse continued to pour out blessing on my heart and mind, a promise of future fruitfulness. i still smile every time i look at the guest room window, thinking about a grain of wheat in the ground. our time here has been a time of healing and growing. we have been able to spend quite a bit of time with our daughter and grandsons. mark has been able to start his own business, substitute at the high school, and move in the direction of bi-vocational ministry.

in truth, these have been some of the most beautiful months of my life. i have been nourished in the soil of unconditional love, unconditional joy, unconditional peace. i have been watered with the winter snows and the spring rains. now i feel the warmth of the sun on the soil around me. there is the power of new life within me from the source of Life, waiting with eagerness to reach toward the light.

Word

2011-04-08T19:59:00.003-06:00

do you need:

renewed life in your soul?
wisdom for life's difficult situations?
joy for your heart?
clearer vision or more light?
something clean and enduring?
something you can trust
because it's true and right?

there is something for you,
something more desirable than the finest gold,
sweeter than the sweetest sweets.

(a response to psalm 19)

functionality

2011-03-26T17:15:00.002-06:00

unconditional,
unselfish,
limitless
love.

joy
indescribable,
unquenchable.

peace
that passes understanding.

never-ending
patience.

kindness
unfailingly courteous
and respectful.

goodness,
pure and genuine.

faithfulness
marked by integrity and truth.

gentleness
with both the weak
and the harsh.

self-control,
shown in timely restraint
and timely productivity.

deliverance from dysfunction
is determined not by who is around me,
but by Who is within me.

right

2011-03-15T08:25:00.001-06:00

plumb
level
square
in tune
in rhythm
correct the first time
not wrong
not wronging

God
is right
does right.

creation
right in its minutest measure
plumb, level, square.
right the first time
without trial and error,
without mistakes.

correct timing,
correct intonation.

always truthful,
always truth.

never wronging
anyone
any time.

i purely enjoy what is right and done right.

i purely enjoy God
most of all.

mountains

2011-03-13T23:50:00.002-06:00

sometimes God moves them
with an earthquake
and a volcano's blast.

sometimes by erosion.

poured out

2011-02-06T13:44:00.003-07:00

are you ready to be poured out as an offering?

i thought,
"i already have been
poured out.

"there is
nothing
left."

and then i realized
that it happens
again,
and again,
and again. . .

like the oil
from the widow's pot,
giving until all the other vessels,
large and numerous,
are full.

look

2011-01-25T02:30:00.001-07:00

look around
and see the the wonder--
mountains and minnows
and aspen and wild rose.

look up
and see magnificence--
sunrise and sunset;
sun, moon,
and infinite galaxies.

look within
and see the miracle--
growth and perseverance,
sacrifices of praise
and hope
and impossible love.

look
and see
the fingerprints of God.

You Will Be Hated… (Are you?)

2011-01-21T10:05:00.000-07:00

sometimes our persecution comes from within “the church”.

from the wolves in sheep’s clothing.

from the judas iscariot.

from the legalists.

just like jesus and paul.

one fears for the persecutors.

eternity is near.

(thanks for the food for thought, brother.)

truth

2010-12-07T17:49:00.002-07:00

lying is so hurtful. . .
being lied to or lied about. . .
or caught in a lie and needing to repent.

our hearts are so deceitful and desperately wicked
that we often don't even see our own lies.

the strangest thing is
that God sees all our filthy little deceptions,
and he loves us anyway--
but he doesn't leave us in them.

he himself--the way, truth, and life--became sin (including lies)for us
so that we might become the righteousness of God (including truth)through him.

that is a humbling and glorious truth.

he is

2010-11-20T07:41:00.003-07:00

he's my LORD.

the Lord's' commands
are wisdom
and understanding.

he is near,
and hears
when we call.

his appearance,
unknown to man.

he is
a consuming fire
and jealous.

he is
accessible
to those
who are looking
for him.

he listens
to the repentant.

he is
compassionate
and unfailing.

he communicates.

he delivers.

he is
knowable.

he loves
and chooses
people.

he is
powerful.

he is
the only God
over heaven
and earth.

he is
jealous
and just.

he is
a God
of power
and salvation.

he is
glorious
and great.

he speaks
with us.

he is
the only living God.

he desires
our well-being.

he is one.

he is
so lovable
that we can love him
with all our hearts
and all our souls
and all our strength.

he is
worthy of reverence;
he is honorable.

he is
looking out
for our good
and our survival.

"i am his,
and
he is mine."

purity

2010-11-12T11:51:00.004-07:00

one was pure,
saving
everything
for marriage.

the other was
not-so-pure.

then
we realized:
the only purity
that matters
is the purity
Christ purchased for us
with his blood
and works into us
through
his
matchless,
limitless
grace.

all of our own
worked-up,
uptight,
self-satisfied,
arrogant
purity
is as filthy rags.

"come now,"
he invites,
"let us reason together:
though your sins be as scarlet,
they shall be
as white
as snow.
though they be red as crimson,
they shall be
as wool."

now,
wash me,
and i will be
whiter
than
snow.

vacation? part 2

2010-10-06T14:47:00.003-06:00

more thoughts on God-given rest.

vacation?

2010-10-02T16:12:00.002-06:00

"our pastor talked about
unemployment
recently,"
he said,
sitting on the floor
on the other side
of the coffee table.
we sat together
on the sofa,
and listened.

"he said that
when you're
tempted to worry,
just remember
that God has everything
under
control,
and that when things all work out
you will regret
that you didn't
just
trust
him
and enjoy it."

shepherd

2010-09-09T06:38:00.002-06:00

he is mine,
and i need nothing more.

the boredom that is a hunger for something more,
he satisfies with green pastures.

the weariness with things and activities
that is a thirst for another life,
he satisfies by still waters.

when my soul is wounded,
lacerated--
he restores.

even if i walk
in dark places,
in dangerous places,
i will not be afraid
because he is with me.
he is prepared to protect and defend me.

i am soothed by his healing balm,
and his abundant care.

his provision for me is not merely adequate,
but abundant,
even in the presence of those who hate me
and want to harm me.

by his grace,
i leave goodness and mercy
for those who follow me,
and i move on to follow him.

i will live with him
forever.

understanding or being understanding?

2010-07-23T21:47:00.002-06:00

"True understanding is part of wisdom. It's realizing truth and having a good grasp on it.

"Being understanding has more to do with being able to see things from another person's perspective.

"Of course, once you have been understanding, true understanding might kick in and help you realize that their perceptions aren't necessarily truth."

Christina Worden Power

excellent woman

2010-05-18T15:01:00.002-06:00

part 1

i am awed.

her character qualities
are so accessible
to anyone.

she fears God,
is kind and wise,
is generous
and diligent.

anyone can have these qualities.

part 2

i want to fear God
above all.

i would like to be wise
and kind
in my speech.

i would like to do my husband good
all the time,
and to deserve his trust.
i would like to encourage him
to be a confident leader.

i would like to be
a diligent homemaker.

i would like to be compassionate
to the needy.

i would like to be strong,
dignified,
and confident of the future.

part 3

fathers,
brothers,
boyfriends,
husbands;

a man should encourage
the women
in his life
to fear God,
to be wise and kind,
to be compassionate to the poor,
to develop her abilities
wisely
and diligently.

a man
who discourages a woman
from being godly
and virtuous
in her thoughts,
words,
and actions
will give account
to God
for his choices.

likewise a woman
who discourages
other women.

heritage

2010-03-18T11:38:00.003-06:00

my first parents walked in the garden of eden.

my ancestors include seth, enoch, methuselah.

i know my lineage comes through noah and his sons,
so my ancestors were on the ark.

what if my ancestors left egypt
delivered by the ten plagues of God,
walking on the dry bed of the red sea?

what if my ancestors conquered the promised land?
what if they paid homage to david and solomon?
what if they were carried into captivity?
what if they were delivered by esther's appeal?
what if they returned to the promised land
with nehemiah, ezra, zerubbabel, and jeshua?
what if they resisted tyranny with the maccabees?

what if they were among the diaspora
and returned to the land only for the feasts?

what if they walked in the land
when Jesus was teaching?

what if they heard and accepted?
what if they heard and rejected?

what if they were scattered
by the destruction of jerusalem?

what if they were pagans in the frontiers of rome?
or pagans in the western hemisphere?
or pagans in africa?

what if my grandparents were pastors?
my parents in full-time ministry?
my brother an ordained minister?
my husband a pastor?

what if i grew up in a christian home,
going to church,
attending a christian school,
going to a evangelical college?

this is not my spiritual heritage.

no.
no.
no.

God is my inheritance.
Christ is my portion.
the Spirit is the earnest of my inheritance.

i am loved by Almighty God,
and in love he calls me his child.
Jesus considers me his brother.

everything else is,
well,
like paul said,
worthless.

humble repentance

2010-03-17T06:57:00.003-06:00

if a person tries to cover up
his wrong-doing
by lying ("i didn't do it!"),
by excusing it ("it wasn't that bad"),
or by justifying it
("it was the right thing to do in my circumstances!),
his pride will move God to oppose him.

and people will learn
that he cannot be trusted

admitting one's wrong-doing
and then abandoning it
gains God's compassion first.

then most of the time
it will cause people to be compassionate also,
especially if they have been transformed
by responding
to God's conviction.

(reflections on proverbs 28.13)

discernment

2010-03-17T06:50:00.002-06:00

if a person is humble enough
to understand
how much he needs God
to guide and teach him,
he will understand
the difference between
someone who is always full of his own opinion
and someone who is full of God's word.

a person who respects and honors God
will not fall
for a deceptive facade
or for flattery.

prepare

2010-03-17T06:48:00.001-06:00

from ron's reflections:

Listen closely. We as believers need to be strengthening our walk with God NOW. We don’t need to wait until tough times hit. Walk with God now… read the Scriptures now… fellowship with believers now… pray faithfully now. Then when the hard days come you will be much more ready. It will still be hard, but you will be better prepared.

does your pastor love you?

2010-03-14T08:51:00.000-06:00

an excellent article at ron's reflections gives you the criteria to evaluate whether your pastor loves you.

crazy

2010-03-09T10:58:00.003-07:00

"like one who bind a stone in a sling,
so is he who gives honor to a fool."

in war
or hunting,
ammunition needs to be readily available
to be of any use.

why would a soldier
go to war
with useless ammo
and a useless weapon?

why would a hunter
go out hunting,
locking up his ammo
in his truck?

why would anyone
honor a fool?

(response to proverbs 26.8)

glory

2010-03-09T10:44:00.002-07:00

q. whose glory do you desire the most?

a.
whenever difficulties have arisen
in the past several years,
God has instructed me
that it is for his glory.

at first i rebelled--
i struggled to submit to that,
because i did want to be honored
ant to have people speak well of me.

but now i don't seem to mind
what people say
so much.

if it is false,
i grieve for them--
for the danger
that they put themselves in
by breaking God's law
and deeply offending him.

personally,
i feel safe,
sheltered by the Almighty Father,
and i care little for honor or glory
for myself.

i deeply yearn to see him honored and glorified.

i find this change
that God has worked in me
very interesting,
and i am grateful
for his patience with me.

hide and seek

2010-03-09T09:40:00.002-07:00

God's glory conceals a matter,
kings glory in searching out a matter.

God knows everything.
he delights in concealing
diamonds in coal,
gold in rock,
wisdom in common experience.

kings--any true leaders among men--
delight in discovering God's hidden treasures.

(reflections on proverbs 25.2)

renewing my mind

2010-03-09T09:31:00.004-07:00

i do not want to be simple-minded.
i do not want to delight in scoffing and ridicule.
i do not want to despise the truth.

i want to turn at wisdom's reproof.
i want the spirit of wisdom to be poured out on me.
i want words of wisdom to be revealed to me.

i do not want to refuse the call of wisdom,
nor do i want to ignore wisdom's invitation.

i do not want to neglect any wise counsel;
i want to value wise reproof.

i do not want wisdom to laugh at my calamity,
to mock my fears, distresses, and anguish.
i do not want wisdom to ignore me when i call;
i want her to hear me.

i want to accept wise counsel,
even if it includes disapproval.

i do not want to have my own way,
but rather i want wisdom's way.
i do not want to be killed by my waywardness
or destroyed by my complacency.
i want to be attentive to wisdom
so that i can live securely
and be free from the dread of evil.

(a response to proverbs 1.22-33)

silence

2010-02-12T15:01:00.002-07:00

in contemplation,
i worry.

and then i think,
how much of this situation
can i even begin to understand?
maybe one-tenth?
i think not.
maybe one-hundredth?
again, i suppose i know not even that much.
one-millionth?
no, not even that.

i realize that God has all the details,
every person's thoughts and motives;
the past, present, and future;
the universal repercussions;
and infinite concerns i cannot imagine
totally under his wise and loving oversight.

he will not burden me
beyond my ability to endure
in his strength,
with his help.

he will work all things together for my good,
knowing that i love him.

i feel small,
but safe in the confidence
of his love
for me,
his little child.

for good

2010-02-09T09:13:00.003-07:00

(reflections on romans 8.31)

since God is working everything
for the good of making us like Christ,
no one can really be "against" us.

they are only the tools
for breaking away
the un-Christlikeness in us.

in the sense that joseph said to his brothers,
"you meant it for evil,
but God meant it for good"--
in that sense,
some can have fully malicious intentions toward us,
but God has fully loving and merciful intentions
in allowing them to act in malice toward us.

as he works their malice for our good,
his purpose is accomplished;
we are made more like Christ.

is there any greater, more glorious good than that?

"if God is for us, who is against us?"

encouragement

2010-02-09T08:02:00.002-07:00

my intention when i first linked to john knight's article about loving your pastor was to pay tribute to the dear brothers and sisters who encourage mark and i so greatly in our times of trial. most of the time they do not even know what our trials are--sometimes they don't even know we are having trials!--but the expression of God's love through them is a part of God's grace that strengthens us to persevere.

"God has given [church leaders who persevere] people who love them and serve them and pray for them."

thank you, dear Father, for providing us co-laborers in Christ who love, serve, and pray for us. thank you for the unity we have in you.

perseverence

2010-02-04T09:12:00.003-07:00

here are some thoughts from john knight's blog, the works of God about loving one's pastor.

"There were two consistent things I observed in and heard from these [church] leaders who are experiencing joy in God in the midst of serious trials:

1. They are God-centered, Bible-saturated, and aware of their need to fight for joy and against their sin;
2. God has given them people who love them and serve them and pray for them.

"I want to be part of that second group for my pastors! I’m not entirely sure what that means for me as I write this. I know it includes prayer – and I love praying for the many men God has used in my life at Bethlehem.

"Let the elders who rule well be considered worthy of double honor, especially those who labor in preaching and teaching. 1 Timothy 5:17

"I have been ‘ruled well’ by my pastors and want to give them double honor. What can we do for these men who carry so much as they faithfully serve their churches?"

motives

2010-01-23T19:35:00.002-07:00

an excerpt from josh harris's blog:
* Don't love the church because of what it does for you. Because sooner or later it won't do enough.

* Don't love the church because of a leader. Because human leaders are fallible and will let you down.

* Don't love the church because of a program or a building or activities because all those things get old.

* Don't love the church because of a certain group of friends because friendships change and people move.

Love the church because of who shed his blood to obtain the church.
Love the church because of who the church belongs to.
Love the church because of who the church worships.
Love the church because you love Jesus Christ and his glory.
Love the church because Jesus is worthy and faithful and true.
Love the church because Jesus loves the church.

pastor

2010-01-19T09:09:00.001-07:00

here an insightful article on encouraging your pastor. people like this are a blessing, and i appreciate them more than words can say. may the Lord repay their kindness many times over.

another funny

2009-12-22T09:14:00.001-07:00

i had never heard of this get-rich-quick scheme before.

wisdom

2009-12-15T10:48:00.003-07:00

rules define the game.

the players need to know the rules
in order to advance and score--
and avoid penalties.

the coaches need to know the rules
so they can train the players
to have great skill
in advancing and scoring--
and avoiding penalties.

the referees need to know the rules
so that the players can advance and score
when they follow the rules.
referees also penalize players,
coaches,
and even deal with spectators
who violate the rules.

in the game of life and death,
we have a book of rules.

we need to know the rules
in order to advance and win,
and to train others to advance and win.

we need to know the rules
when we are in a position
to encourage advancement
and penalize wrong-doing.
being peace-keepers is unsatisfactory;
being truth-keepers is essential.

ultimately, we must all give account
to the one who gave the rules.

anyone who has engaged in foul play,
even if he arrives at the finish line,
will find himself penalized;
"depart from me," he will hear,
"you went your own way
and broke my laws."

anyone who has followed the rules,
even in the face of apparent failure,
will find himself a winner.

some "through faith conquered kingdoms,
enforced justice,
obtained promises,
stopped the mouth of lions,
quenched the power of fire,
escaped the edge of the sword,
were made strong out of weakness,
became mighty in war,
put foreign armies to flight.
women received bac their dead by resurrection.
some were tortured,
refusing to accept release,
so that they might rise again to a better life.
others suffered mocking and flogging,
and even chains and imprisonment.
they were stoned,
they were sawn in two,
they were killed with the sword.
they went about in skins of sheep and goats,
destitute,
afflicted,
mistreated--
of whom the world was not worthy--
wandering about in deserts and mountains,
and in dens and caves of the earth." (esv)

trust and obey.

wisdom.

wisdom

2009-12-11T09:28:00.001-07:00

a choice.

wisdom gained by treasure seeking
and fearing God.

victimization by my own wayward tendencies,
by evil men,
by seducing women.

a choice.

(reflections on proverbs 2)

conquest

2009-11-29T07:58:00.002-07:00

i have surveyed the land.
i have seen its fruitfulness
and assessed its dangers.

this is a place to prosper,
but the enemies are enormous,
and i feel like a grasshopper next to them.
my heart almost stops with fear.

but i remember who promised me this land.
his love for me surges into my heart
washing away the terror.
peace and confidence reign within.

by all means, we will go
and possess the land he has promised us.
our enemies are not too strong for us.

take courage.

(reflections on numbers 13)

deserving

2009-11-19T08:44:00.002-07:00

i deserved the wrath of God and eternal hell.

i pursued the well-being
of the Kingdom of Me
and my rights.

what did i care
about my creator,
his kingdom,
his rights?

i saw this as my world,
but in reality
it is his world
and i am his guest.

i acted like a reigning queen,
superimposing my mandates
over his.
how futile and evil!

i deserved hell;
he extended kindness.

so when i face illness,
or poverty,
or humiliation,
or betrayal,
i don't try to figure out what i did to deserve this.
maybe i don't deserve it.

but i deserve hell.
this is only light affliction,
and it only lasts a little while.

furthermore, i am his,
he is mine,
and his mercy endures forever.

reflections on propitiation, Romans 1-5, Ephesians 1-2, and Job

pleasure

2009-11-13T19:42:00.002-07:00

a response to psalm 133

look,
you can see how enjoyable it is
to be with families
in which each member
treats the others
with unfailing courtesy and respect.

it is as beautiful
as someone being consecrated wholly
to serve God.

it is as refreshing
as a heavy dew that nourishes life.

in this environment
God sends blessing.

remembered

2009-11-13T19:33:00.003-07:00

a response to psalm 132

Lord,
remember all of my afflictions and act in my behalf.
remember that i want you to live near me.
let me be clothed with righteousness.
fill my heart with joyful songs.
please do not turn me away.

you have not forgotten me.
you gave me my request,
living with me and within me.
you covered me with your salvation.
my heart overflows with the jubilant songs
which you have given.
you have not forgotten us;
you have delivered us from our enemies.

requests

2009-11-13T19:27:00.001-07:00

uninfluenced
you are yourself.

i am silenced before your power.
i am silenced
by the magnitude of your kindness to me
when my heart is scorched with pain.

please, come near me
clean the wounds
that you caused in your compassion.

fill my heart with joy once more.

twitter

2009-11-13T16:11:00.000-07:00

here's a link that may give you some food for thought.

quiet

2009-10-31T11:46:00.002-06:00

a response to psalm 131

Father,
i am a child,
not better or worse than my friends
or my enemies.
i will not fuss and fret because i don't understand.
i won't pitch a fit because you say, "no."
i will be quiet in your lap.
i will lean my head on your shoulder and relax.
o, children of God, hope in your Maker
now and forevermore!
amen.

waiting

2009-10-31T10:33:00.003-06:00

a response to psalm 130

from rock bottom i loudly called to you who made me.
Master, hear me!
please be attentive to my requests!
if you, my Creator, kept track of all my failures,
Master, how could i stand?
however, i find forgiveness with you
and therefore i fear you.

i wait for my Creator;
with peaceful confidence i expect him.
his word is the solid foundation of my hope.

from deep within me, i vigilantly look for my Master
more than the night watchman looks for the dawn.
my eager anticipation is greater
than the night watchman feels
when he waits for the rising sun.
o, children of God, be confident in your Creator,
because your relationship with him
has always been marked by the most profound kindness.
he redeems infinitely.
he buys his own children
from their slavery to willful failure.

ascending

2009-10-16T21:21:00.005-06:00

liars may cause suffering,
but you will judge them.

dangers may threaten,
but you will protect me.

i find refuge in your house
where you give peace and prosperity.

the arrogant despise me,
but you will show me favor.

powerful enemies rage against me,
but you are on my side.

twisted and deceitful people will be banished,
but you will establish every one who is straight and true.

by your intervention, i returned from exile.
then you gave me courage to plant
and hope for a bountiful harvest.

raising children is no empty effort;
they are your gift and our defense against the enemy.

as i walk in your ways,
you give me joy in everyday responsibilities.

i have been abused,
but you have crushed the oppressor.

from absolute abasement i cry to you
knowing you will restore me in every way.

i will not fret because i don't understand;
i will find peace in knowing you care.

i made my requests to my God
and he granted them
far beyond my ability to imagine.

i want to get along with people
because it is beautiful and refreshing.

i bless the Lord with all i have,
and he returns blessings beyond measure.

defense

2009-10-16T21:13:00.002-06:00

a response to psalm 129

i have been mistreated many times
beginning when i was young.
the truth is,
i have been abused many times
from my youth until now.
my anguish is plowed in deep furrows,
in furrows deep and long.
the Lord does what is right;
he severs the ropes
that the wicked used
to tie me down.

may everyone who hates God's rule
be ashamed and flee.
may they shrivel like rootless grass withers
before it can grow.
please do not allow their influence to prosper;
do not allow their rebellion and cruelty to multiply.
do not allow anyone to bless them in your name.
how can you bless
the rebellion of those
who oppose your kingdom
and your righteousness?

fruitfulness

2009-10-15T09:20:00.002-06:00

a response to psalm 128

Lord,
i want to fear you,
to walk in your ways.
i want to be satisfied with the results of my labor,
i want to be happy
and for all to be well with me.

i want to be a fruitful vine
in my husband's house,
for our children to be olive plants
around our table.

you said this is the way you would bless the man
who fears you.

please bless us from your throne,
allow us to see peace prospering
every day of our lives.
truly give us joy in our children's children.
peace to your people.

battle

2009-10-15T09:13:00.002-06:00

a response to psalm 127

if i try to build my home
as a base of power and influence
but am not considering God's purpose and work--
what a waste!

if i am alert to every potential evil
and try to avoid all conflict
but do not look to God for his care--
what wasted effort!

what a waste to get up early
and stay up late
devising and implementing schemes for success!
God gives his beloved ones peaceful rest.

look,
children are God's gift to me.
my own offspring, a treasure.
these little ones will grow to be
my ammunition
in the battle for truth and right.
i am blessed if my arsenal is full
of such priceless weaponry.
they will face my enemies unashamed
and speak to my enemies publicly.

dreaming

2009-10-03T15:56:00.002-06:00

(a response to psalm 126)

we were captive in a foreign land,
but the Lord brought us home.

at first we were dazed
by what seemed too good to be true.
then we could not stop laughing and singing.
people around us acknowledged,
"the Lord has done great things for them."

oh, it is true!
the Lord has done great things for us,
filling our hearts with joy!

o Lord,
you have brought us out of exile;
please take exile out of our hearts
and teach us to live unshackled lives--
lives of freedom.
restore our fortunes
as the rains restore the parched earth.

o Lord, we are sowing seed at great cost,
releasing its present value
in confident hope of an abundant harvest.
you will multiply our future gain
as a result of our present sacrifice.

invincible

2009-10-03T15:51:00.003-06:00

(a response to psalm 125)

anyone who puts his complete trust in the Lord
will be unshakable;
he will continue in enduring strength.

the Lord surrounds his people
as their fortress and protector;
he enfolds them in safety forever.

a wicked person may rule for awhile
but cannot subdue one who is steadfastly righteous;
the power of the wicked will be destroyed
before he can make the righteous fall.

o Lord,
please do good to people who are good,
whose heart-thoughts are pure
and who act in purity.
however, banish those who are twisted and deceitful.

peace to God's people.

rescue

2009-09-20T07:42:00.005-06:00

a response to psalm 124

o Lord,
if you had not come to help us--
your church exults--
if you had not taken our side,
they would have swallowed us alive
like a snake swallows its prey
or like a lizard snatches an insect.
but you delivered us from their desires.

they would have ripped us apart
like a wolf rips into a herd of sheep,
satisfying their hostility
with our pain and anguish.
but you came to our rescue.

they wanted to trap us
and use us for their own purposes,
crushing us to fulfill their own ambitions.
but you destroyed their snares and nets,
setting us at liberty.
you freed us to soar skyward.

you are powerful and wise and loving.
you are the Self-existent One,
the Maker of heaven and earth.

favor

2009-09-19T20:35:00.004-06:00

a response to psalm 123

i look to you
enthroned in glory
and enthroned in my heart.

we are attentive to you
as your servants,
waiting for a sign of your favor.

Eternal King, show us favor.
take pity on us
and demonstrate your infinite love and kindness.

enough disdain.
enough derision.
we cannot bear any more contempt
from the arrogant.

gladness

2009-09-17T09:32:00.002-06:00

a response to psalm 122

i was glad,
i was glad
when they said
to me
"let us go to God's house."

i looked around
and marveled.
the congregation of the Lord,
as one body,
works in unity.
each member
seeks the glory of God
and lovingly serves the others.

this is where God's people meet,
delighting to assemble,
to raise their hearts in thanks to God,
thinking of ways to encourage love and service.
their fervency and faithfulness increase
as they anticipate the coming of the King.

Lord, grant peace
to the assembly of your own.
please prosper those
who love your congregation.
bring peace and prosperity
within the walls of our meeting places
and within our homes.
for the love of my brothers and friends,
i ask for peace.
for the love of God's household,
i will pursue its good.

protection

2009-09-12T14:07:00.001-06:00

response to psalm 121

i look around at the mountains,
obstacles too great
for me to overcome alone.

where can i find help?

surely God will help me.
he is always attentive
and cares for my well-being,
never tiring,
never resting.

he shelters me from heat
as scorching as the sun;
he protects me from danger
that lurks in the moonlight.

he guards my life from harm,
day and night,
at home and abroad.

reflections

2009-09-12T11:26:00.000-06:00

a response to psalm 120

o Father,
you are a God of truth,
but i live surrounded by liars.

please,
deliver me from the lies that are told about me.
deliver me from believing lies that are told to me.
deliver me from being a liar.

don't liars understand?
you are a God of Truth,
and you desire truth in our innermost being.

don't they understand?
lying offends you,
and all liars have a place in the lake of fire.

don't they understand?
their lies are some of the fiery darts
of the evil one.

o Father,
i yearn for peace,
but here i am
on a battlefield
in the war
between truth and falsehood.

because it made me laugh. . .

2009-08-21T12:04:00.002-06:00

“Don’t try to have a fish fry
when all you have is worms.”
–Mark Roth
http://eaf.net/mvp/?p=1699

oddness

2009-08-11T06:45:00.004-06:00

we can have faith in faith
instead of trusting God.

we can worship worship
instead of worshiping God.

we can be diligent about being diligent
without being diligent about completing our tasks.

we can say prayers
instead of praying.

we can do bible studies
without really studying the bible.

i wonder how often we focus on means
rather than on the end?

pastor

2009-08-06T06:31:00.002-06:00

despicable hireling,
when the wolf came into the sheepfold,
you took to your heels,
rationalizing
that it was better for the sheep to be left
to deal with the wolf on their own
than to see their shepherd
engaged in mortal combat
with the predator.

and you expect to be rewarded
for your sacrifice.

least

2009-07-17T07:18:00.001-06:00

to love the least of Jesus' brothers,
and to encourage them to love
other "leasts"--

this is good.

humbling ourselves, praying, turning from our wicked ways

2009-07-14T22:33:00.003-06:00

i just finished listening to this sermon by paul washer. it is quite long, but well worth the time.

thankful

2009-06-14T03:32:00.003-06:00

i am thankful,
but not with that gratitude
which is unmingled with sorrow.

i am grateful for encroaching blindness
which has moved from the outer boundaries of my peripheral vision
to the center.
i am thankful with sober gratitude
that the cones and rods are falling off
the pigment layer
of my retina
just a little faster
than they are replaced.
i am thankful that every little cone
and every rod
is under the complete control
of its Creator.

this is his intentional good for me,
and i want to receive this gift
with courage and trust.

there is a time to grieve
and a time to laugh,
a time for dancing,
a time for mourning.
those times come to each of us.
but underneath,
i have a sense of the goodness
of both sorrows and joys.

i am thankful
that God has given me a supportive family,
compassionate friends,
a measure of independence,
much healing of physical weakness,
awareness of other senses to compensate
for the loss of vision.

but these are transitory gifts,
and many of them may be lost
in time or circumstances--
lost without diminishing
what is truly valuable in them.

however,
i am more thankful for what cannot be lost.
i am thankful
because the Lord is my shepherd.
he is everything that i need.
he nourishes me in green pastures,
and leads me by quiet waters.
he restores my soul.
he leads me in paths of righteousness
because of his own good name.
even when i walk through the shadowy valley of death,
i need not fear anything.
i will not be overcome by any evil,
because he is with me.
i am comforted by the protection of his power.
even in the presence of people who hate me--
people who desire to harm me--
he prepares a feast for my soul.
my cup of joy overflows.
certainly goodness and mercy
follow me
each and every day i live.
and after this,
i will live in the house of the Lord
forever.

that is why i am thankful.

confession

2009-06-13T17:32:00.002-06:00

dear Lord,

tomorrow we come together to worship you.

if one of us loves himself more than he loves you,
he brings that into the body of believers
like an infection.

if one of us loves someone
or something
more than you,
we bring that offense into the midst of our worship.

if one of us uses your name lightly
we bring that defilement into your congregation.

if we are unwilling to set aside a day to seek you,
a day to delight in you,
and we want to seek our own pleasures
and despise spending time at your feet,
we bring that insincerity into the time
we set apart. . .
that one hour,
those two short hours.

if one speaks dishonorably about his parents,
treats them as inferiors,
disdains them,
then this offense is mingled with our praise.

if one has murderously hated,
if one has committed sexual offenses,
if one has spoken untruthfully and hurt another,
o, Lord, it pollutes our worship.

if one has desired what belongs to his neighbor
or his friend,
desired his possessions,
his relationships,
his assets,
Lord, you know even the thoughts of our hearts.

our Father,
who art in heaven,
hallowed be thy name.
thy kingdom come
and thy will be done
on earth,
in our congregation,
even as it is done in heaven.
give us today
our daily bread.

forgive us,
o, please forgive us,
as we forgive those
who offend us.

and lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from evil.

yours is the kingdom.
yours is the power.
yours is the glory.
forever.

amen.

silence

2009-06-13T17:28:00.002-06:00

i like silence.

oh, not true silence,
but the sounds that fill
the space between
radio noise
and television noise
and endless recordings.

i like the yellow hum of the refrigerator
or of the computer.
i like to listen to the bird's singing
and the cars that pass.

i like conversation
and the sound of someone practicing musical instruments.

i like to hear myself think.

i like to hear the things
that God speaks to my heart
in the silence.

corinth

2009-06-13T17:17:00.004-06:00

she told me that she hates a certain bible teacher.
and then she said
that she cannot grow spiritually
unless she gets to listen to another one.

she said she hates a certain song,
and another one too.
Lord, i lift your name on high.
it's all about You, Lord.

they passionately dislike certain books of the bible;
james,
psalms,
1 and 2 peter.
they dislike them so much,
they stop coming to church
so that they didn't have to hear about them
any
more.

why all this passion,
this wasted emotion,
this defiance
against God?
and yet,
they do not see the situation that way.

they are church leaders,
and they think
they are looking out
for the best interests of the congregation.

no one,
they insist,
loves the church more than they do.

i am affected viscerally.
a chill of fear sweeps over me
in their behalf.

even the church at corinth was not so bad;
they had preferences of teachers,
but we are not told
that they hated those
whom they considered inferior.

o God, how long will You delay?
quickly deliver Your people.

a hope and a future

2009-06-09T09:09:00.001-06:00

“The great Gardener of the soul--will not, and cannot be disappointed. What He sows--shall flourish in defiance of all opposition! And, if at times it seems to wither--He can and He will revive it!” John Newton

infantile faith

2009-06-05T09:19:00.002-06:00

he said: Christianity (at least in the infantile version so popular here . . .) is the ultimate Tails I win; heads you lose method of arguing.

i think:
infantile is not all bad.

since we are a small part of an enormous universe,
and since even the smallest entity amazes us with its complexity,
a certain sense of our own smallness is probably commendable.

even Jesus commended those
who would receive the kingdom of God as a child,
or who became as children.

consequently he has given us a great compliment,
though i understand that he didn’t intend it that way.

God have mercy on us all.

loving God

2009-05-05T07:48:00.004-06:00

as expressed by Augustine

"not with doubting,
but with assured consciousness,
do i love thee, Lord.
thou hast stricken my heart with thy word,
and i loved thee.
yea, also heaven, and earth,
and all that therein is,
behold,
on every side they bid me love thee;
nor cease to say so unto all
that they may be without excuse.
but more deeply wilt thou have mercy
on whom thou wilt have mercy,
and have compassion
on whom thou hast had compassion:
else in deaf ears
do the heaven and the earth speak thy praises.
but what do i love,
when i love thee?
not beauty of bodies,
nor the fair harmony of time,
nor the brightness of the light, so gladsome to our eyes,
nor sweet melodies of varied songs,
nor the fragrant smell of flowers, and ointments, and spices,
not manna and honey,
not limbs acceptable to embracements of flesh.
none of these i love,
when i love my God;
and yet i love a kind of light,
and melody,
and fragrance,
and meat,
and embracement,
when i love my God,
the light, melody fragrance meat, embracement
of my inner man:
where there shineth unto my soul,
what space cannot contain,
and there soundeth,
what time beareth not away,
and there smelleth,
what breathing disperseth not,
and there tasteth,
what eating diminisheth not,
and the clingeth,
what satiety divorceth not.
this is it which i love,
when i love my God.

augustine

2009-04-21T13:55:00.002-06:00

"man. . .but a particle of Thy creation"

"Thou awakest us
to delight in Thy praise;
for Thou madest us for Thy self,
and our heart is restless,
until it repose in Thee."

"For who is the Lord
but the Lord?
or who is God
save our God?
Most highest, most good, most potent, most omnipotent;
most merciful, yet most just;
most hidden, yet most present;
most beautiful, yet most strong;
stable, yet incomprehensible;
unchangeable, yet all-changing;
never new, never old;
all-renewing, and bringing age upon the proud,
yet they know it not.;
ever working, ever at rest;
still gathering, yet nothing lacking;
supporting, filling, and overspreading;
creating, nourishing, and maturing;
seeking, yet having all things.
Thou lovest, without passion;
art jealous, without anxiety;
repentest, but grievest not;
art angry, yet serene;
changest Thy words, Thy purpose unchanged;
receivest again what Thou findest,
yet didst never lose;
never in need, yet rejoicing in gains;
never covetous, yet exacting usury.
Thou receivest over and above, that Thou mayest owe,
and who hath aught that is not Thine?
Thou payest debts, owing nothing;
remittest debts, losing nothing.

"Behold, Lord, my heart is before Thee;
open Thou the ears thereof,
and say to my soul,
I am thy salvation."